This blog post is something different to what I’ve written in the past… I don’t even know what it is right now… It might not make sense… The grammar and spelling will probably absolutely rubbish… and I don’t fully know its purpose. I just get a sense I’m meant to write it.
I haven’t blogged in so long other than my yearly review. And you know what… I’ve wanted to share so much. But I just didn’t know where to start. There’s been so many personal experiences and feelings I wanted to express, but fear of being vulnerable and then judged for what I’ve shared has crept in so many times which has led to me not writing.
I’ve wanted to share my reflections, struggles, fears and also moments of blessings of this past year regarding the pandemic. But didn’t know where to start… Didn’t know when the right time was to say something and then it felt like it was too late.
I’ve wanted to share my views on relationships… the heartbreak and mental and emotional struggle I went through from the breakup between myself and the girl I was once dated.
I have so many things I want to say, especially with how the church, Christian friends and society as a whole treat people who are going through a break up, and then especially when youre single… Don’t get me started on that.
Again – I didn’t know where to start. Theres been so much in that that ive wanted to share. Also I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. I’m not looking for that. I’m not looking to be constantly asked are you ok? And so I didn’t write anything.
Isn’t it sad how we can get to a point where we want to reflect out loud. Share our stories and speak out to help people in similar situations. But then don’t because we’re scared of what others might say. What people whom we know might say to us afterwards.
As I reflect on this I can see that its not only affected my self esteem, its affected my creativity. The very thing I feel called and drawn to. And I know that when my creativity is squashed I become closed off, down, depressed, demotivated, which then leads to being even less creative… it’s a vicious circle!
And so I guess right now as I right this, I’m declaring no more! If I’m meant to be countercultural. If one word of mine, one creative piece, one video, one photo changes someone’s perspective on life for the better… empowers someone to seek change, to seek joy… brings someone encouragement… helps someone encounter God… then I am so doing it!
I’m done listening to the doubts and questions that float around my head!
I. Am. A. Child. Of. The. Creative. Father!
And if I’m made in the image of the one who created the vast array of beauty that’s around us. The Maker of the moon. Tamer of the tides. Then I’m not going to hold back on my creativity either.
So yeah… that’s it for now… But I may push myself to share those views on relationships, the pandemic and many other things I haven’t even shared about.
Until then… Don’t let others take away your creativity… you were made to be creative, by a creative father who cares about what you think and feel!